The feeling of being ill equipped

By Cynthia Jennings

About the Author

Cynthia Jennings is a pastor’s wife, mother of two amazing college students and a student at Moody Theological Seminary. She has a heart and passion for helping women who have been broken, especially women who have dysfunctional and broken relationships with their mothers.

As a pastor’s wife I wear many hats, some are familiar hats that I am comfortable wearing thus making the task easy to complete. Some are brand new hats that don’t fit so well and I am reluctant to put on, thus causing apprehension and the feeling of being ill equipped concerning the task. As a pastor’s wife I am expected to be on my P’s & Q’s at all times. I am expected to say and do the right things, give great Godly advice to the women in our ministry, and encourage them whenever they feel ill equipped for a task. Well, who is there to model and reciprocate those things for pastors’ wives?

I often recall the words my husband said before he stepped into his calling as a founding pastor: “It’s time.” Those words produced a feeling of fear and being ill equipped that gripped me like a glove. All I could focus on was the fact that I knew nothing about being a pastor’s wife. After 10 years I sometimes get that same feeling. When this feeling overshadows me and anxiety rises up I quote 2 Timothy 1:7:  “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” This scripture helps to release any fear or anxiety that causes the ill equipped feeling. This scripture also empowers me to accept the task that may cause the ill equipped feeling. God loves me. I know this because He gave up His only son to die for my sins. Jesus experienced some very difficult situations for us, but in the midst of going through those difficult situations his focus was on completing the task that God had given him. With this in mind I am confident that whatever task is before me I know God loves me and He will give me the strength to complete the task.

A sound mind is a disciplined mind. With God’s help I can discipline my mind to focus on Him and meditate on His word. This puts my mind at peace. When my mind is at peace I no longer view the task from my flesh and inabilities but from the eyes of God, trusting that He will give me the wisdom and ability to complete the task thus relieving me of the pressure and anxiety of feeling ill equipped. As a pastor’s wife this ill equipped feeling surfaces more than I would like or want to admit. When it does I immediately stop trusting in my own abilities and trust in God’s ability. Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) A new hat has been given to me. So I’m taking a deep breath and I am loudly quoting Proverbs 3:5-6 and 2 Timothy 1:7.

1 thought on “The feeling of being ill equipped”

  1. Jasmine Thomas

    Very insightful and inspirational Mama J. Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving your words of encouragement to us. We love you!

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