By Lois Evans
A number of years ago I hit burnout. My work as the senior vice president at The Urban Alternative, having two teenage boys still at home, and trying to complete my undergraduate degree overwhelmed me. I told Tony one evening, “I need a break. I have to get away and get refreshed.” Soon after that conversation I boarded a plane to spend two weeks with my sister who lives in England.
I’ve talked to a lot of women in ministry over the years, and I know that I am not the only one who has struggled at times juggling work, being a wife, and raising children. However, what I have seen is that rarely will women feel confident enough to step forward and say, “Hey, I need a break.” Instead, they hope their spouse sees how exhausted they are and suggests that they take a breather, which just might not happen.
When Tony and I married over four decades ago, we agreed that we did not want to guess how each was feeling. If you are married, I want to encourage you to communicate with your husband about your needs, and take the time that is necessary to renew and refresh yourself. When you do, everyone around you will benefit from it as well.
Great panel! Thank you!
Sis Lois, I just want to express how much your ministry has blessed me. I am the wife of a preacher/ pastor. I often feel like no one understands the things I endure (loneliness, loss of self identity, overwhelmed, etc.) I know for a fact that God has great things in me and in store for me.
I have never been the typical First Lady that I have seen in the local churches here neither do I fit into the status quo and your ministry has helped me to realize that it’s okay. I have found your ministry to be a safe haven. Thank you for being a blessing.
Teresa
Thanks! So true. Blessings.
I’m a pastor’s wife and would love to receive emails from Loi Evans , Pastor’s Wife Ministry .Thank You !
My husband and I live with his mom in her house. I want out! I want to stay married but for us to live elsewhere-close to his mom. Would it be against biblical teaching if I move out without him?
Dear Broken, It is not against Biblical principles to want to live with your husband. Genesis 2:24 says that a man should leave mother and father and cleave to his wife. On the other hand scripture says that we should take care of the widow (Deuteronomy 24:19-21). A good compromise between these two principles would be your idea of living close to His Mom, but with your husband in your own place. I would recommend that you share with your husband your love for his mother, and your love for him as well, and how you would be more comfortable and relaxed in your own place not far from his mom, so then you are able to have your privacy as a couple, but at the same time provide care and ministry to his mother. There is no grounds for you to live on your own. Your place is with your husband. However, I do see a need for working on a compromise for your comfort. I would also recommend that you get counseling from your Pastor, and of course much prayer.
After reading what you shared about your burnout, I decided to make sure that for no more than 2 hours everyday, I won’t do any housework or talk with anyone. I will just sit, close my eyes, hear God speaking, be quiet and rest my mind and body.
Thanks for sharing Sis. Evans!!
I am sure feeling that way right now. Was planning on taking a break on the week end but then I started to think about who was going to watch my dependant children……….so here I am still burnt out and feeling worthless and unappreciated.
Lady Lois, I am married to an anointed man of GOD and Pastor who truly loves me. We have been married for alittle over a moth and he is just getting started in ministry. GOD is doing a quick work Seriously what advice can you give me since you have been there?
What if you try talking to your husband about your feelings, and all he says is “well, here we go again.” Also, when I finally talked him in to visiting a church with my parents, he said “how long is this sh _ _ going to take.” I’m tired and exhausted. I have a 2-1/2 year old son, and a one week old daughter (by c-section). I’m expected to clean the house with no help at all and get no relief time for rest. I need help and advice.
Dear Lois I am new to the Minister Wives. Are there any upcoming conferences in the work for new Minister Wives? I would love to attend. It can be overwhelming and stressful as you mention. I would like to add;Thank you for encouraging the women who are aiming to serve God!
God bless you and your family!